I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
