apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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