he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
