i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i wish my penis had a tongue
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
