I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
