it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
