Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
