if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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