I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
