I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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