An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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