Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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