i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
