Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
