Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
