My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
