Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
