waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
