It's Friday. Sex?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
