I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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