when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
