I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
