worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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