Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
