I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
