She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
