I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
