dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
