its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
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