Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
