drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
