Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
