Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
