i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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