You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
