woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
