All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
