it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
