I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
