I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he thought i was a dude.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
