you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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