I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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