apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
