I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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