$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
