He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Good news!! I can adult!! š turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement šš
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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