when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Randomize
