I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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