booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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