I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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