the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
