I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
