New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
