My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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